Until it was her child - Part 1
Her daughter's sudden change in gender identity forces a Newfoundland woman to confront what she will - and will not - tolerate.
Note: To protect the mother interviewed for this story and to safeguard her daughter’s privacy, I am using pseudonyms. I will refer to the mother as Sharon and her daughter as Melody.
It is autumn 2021 in an eastern Newfoundland town. Sharon’s 12-year-old daughter comes home from school wearing a badge on her chest.
“Hi, my name is Melody,” it reads. “My pronouns are she and her.”
Sharon is unfazed by the underlying message. She has always considered herself a liberal person. She knows that pronoun declarations are becoming commonplace in schools and workplaces. The idea behind them is to help people who identify as trans and non-binary feel accepted.
“To each their own,” Sharon says to her daughter.
But Sharon’s tolerance will be tested before too long.
A few months later, during the second COVID-19 lockdown in January 2022, Melody tells her mother she has a new identity and a new name.
“Mom, I’m non-binary, and my name is ___________.”
Suddenly, Melody’s pronouns go from she/her to they/them. Later, they would progress to he/him.
Sharon is stunned by her daughter’s news. Melody has always been a “girly-girl,” into makeup, ballet and Barbie dolls. How could she now consider herself non-binary?
Less than a month earlier, just before Christmas, mother and daughter had a girls day out at the Avalon Mall in St. John’s. Sharon remembers her daughter playfully modelling her new clothes and hairdo.
The sudden switch to identifying as non-binary, mere weeks later, doesn’t make sense to Sharon, but it doesn’t change how she feels about her daughter.
“Mom loves you anyways, no matter what.”
“My mind was reeling,” Sharon would later recall. “But I said to her, ‘Mom loves you anyways, no matter what.’”
Yet, her daughter’s social transition didn’t sit right with Sharon. Melody had never shown any signs of identifying as anything but a girl.
So, Sharon began doing her own research. She learned about the sudden, dramatic increase in the number of girls transitioning in adolescence, beginning about a dozen years earlier. She learned that a high proportion of those being referred to gender clinics struggle with mental illness.
Many, like her daughter, have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Many engage in self-harm practices such as cutting. So too, it later turned out, did Melody.
Sharon says Melody is one of at least three girls in her class who came out as non-binary or trans around the same time. If correct, that’s at least three out of 25 students, 12 per cent of the entire class.
To each their own, right?
But what if these kinds of clusters are not naturally occurring? What if some, most or all of the girls in Melody’s class who identified as trans or non-binary have instead been caught up in a psychosocial phenomenon - what some refer to as social contagion?1
The stakes are high, especially among those who move from social transition to a medical path - one that often begins with puberty blockers, progresses to cross-sex hormones, and sometimes arrives at the removal of healthy breasts and ovaries.
Clinicians, activists and even several professional health-care associations claim such treatments are life-saving. The implication is that gender dysphoria is so distressing that many young people going through it will kill themselves if they are not given puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones or sex-trait surgeries.
Yet, an independent review in England released in England last year and another study released this year cast doubts on that claim. Dr. Hilary Cass, a British paediatrician suggested there is no evidence that gender-affirming treatment reduces the risk of suicide. And an article in the Journal of Sexual Medicine suggests those who have gender-related surgeries are actually at higher risk of suicide than those who do not.
In recent years, several countries - from Sweden to Ireland to Denmark to Australia - have placed strong restrictions on what advocates and clinicians call gender-affirming care. Here in Newfoundland and Labrador doctors continue to prescribe puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones to minors. The province continues to fund gender-related surgeries such as mastectomies, phalloplasties and vaginoplasties through MCP.
Acceptance or influence?
Before the early 2010s, clusters of trans or non-binary declarations in single classrooms were unheard of.
The appearance of such clusters runs parallel to a steep rise in the number of minors - especially adolescent girls - declaring themselves as trans or, at least, non-binary.
The actual numbers of people who experience gender dysphoria has always been difficult to measure. A study published in 2015 suggested a prevalence rate of one in 10,000 for adult males and one in 30,000 for women.
As for young people, a study published in the Archives of Diseases in Childhood noted that in England, the incidence rate of gender dysphoria among children and young people increased from 0.14 per 10 000 person years in 2011 to 4.4 per 10 000 person years in 2021. Simplified, this means the rate went from about one in 71,000 in 2011 to about one in 2,300 in 2021.
In a 2018 study of parental reports of gender dysphoria among their adolescent and young adult (AYA) children, Dr. Lisa Littman proposed the controversial hypothesis of rapid onset gender dysphoria - that is, a sudden occurrence of gender dysphoria brought on by social and peer influence. Among the findings supporting this hypothesis were clusters of trans-identification within friendship groups.
The expected prevalence of transgender young adult individuals is 0.7% . . . Yet, according to the parental reports, more than a third of the friendship groups described in this study had 50% or more of the AYAs in the group becoming transgender-identified in a similar time frame. This suggests a localized increase to more than 70 times the expected prevalence rate. This is an observation that demands urgent further investigation. - Lisa Littman
What can explain these kinds of clusters moving from non-existent to at least possible in some settings?
On one hand, supporters of the gender-affirming approach might say there have always been more trans people than statistics have suggested, but they were reluctant to come out because of social stigma. Now that society is more accepting of gender diversity, they say, the new numbers simply reflect reality.
Those who support a watchful waiting approach might say the sudden dramatic increase among young people and the high proportion of those with co-occurring mental health difficulties point to social influence from peers and online advocates.
See also
The social acceptance hypothesis does not answer some vital questions.
Why are most of those presenting with gender dysphoria now doing so in adolescence rather than since childhood, which had traditionally been the case?
Why did the demographics change from a majority of natal males to a majority of natal girls? A 2015 study suggests that up to 90 per cent of trans-identifying young people in Finland are now girls, whereas most were male before the era of smartphones, social media and the gender-affirming approach. This demographic change has occurred throughout western nations.
While careful not to use the term ‘social contagion,’ an independent review of gender identity services in England - the Cass Review - suggests that peer influence has played a role in the increase of young people declaring themselves as trans.
From Salem to TikTok
History is full of examples of teenage girls becoming immersed in harmful social contagions - from the Salem Witch Trials of the 1600s to more recent examples such as anorexia, bulimia, cutting, and “TikTok tics”, whereby many girls convinced themselves they had Tourette’s Syndrome after watching TikTok and YouTube influencers.
Dr. Erica Anderson, a trans woman and former president of the U.S. Professional Association for Transgender Health, was emphatic about the role of peer influence in a 2022 San Francisco Chronicle article.
Anderson says some online influencers actively try to convince young people who are suffering psychological distress that they are trans and experiencing gender dysphoria. The influencers suggest to young people that the way to alleviate their distress is to come out as trans or non-binary. She said many of those young people who have been swayed by influencers have found social acceptance, albeit much of it online.
What’s more, says Anderson, the influencers coach young people on how to “navigate and/or control these issues with their parents, who they are told may not ‘get it.’” They advise these distressed young people to make quick social transitions, choose new names and pronouns, and to go on cross-sex hormones. Anderson says many of these influencers are “literally dispensing medical advice.”
Some influencers even advise young people about how to convince doctors
that they need gender-affirming care.
“. . .Get a story ready in your head, and as suggested keep the lie to a minimum. And only for stuff that can’t be verified. Like how you were feeling, but was too afraid to tell anyone including your family.” - Advice appearing on Reddit, cited in a study by Lisa Littman
“. . .If you don’t do it when you are young. You’ll be miserable and unhappy with your body for the rest of your life.” - Advice appearing on Reddit, cited in a study by Lisa Littman
“TL;DR find out what they want to hear if they’re going to give you T (testosterone) and then just tell them that. It’s about getting treatment, not about being true to those around you. It’s not their business and a lot of time doctors will screw things up for you.” - Advice appearing on Reddit
“In my over 40 years as a psychologist, I’ve seen psychotherapeutic phenomena come and go,” wrote Anderson. “Eating disorders, multiple personality disorders and repressed memory syndrome have in retrospect spread through subgroups of adolescents and the professionals who have treated them. This spread is like wildfire through vulnerable underbrush, clearly borne in an environment of contagion.”
Sharon is convinced her daughter got caught up in such a contagion. Since Melody’s declaration, she has progressed from identifying as non-binary to identifying as trans. Sharon was afraid about where all this would lead after a physician spoke to her daughter, now 15, about puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones.
Convinced her daughter’s change of identity was largely influenced by social media, Sharon warns other parents to be careful about their children’s online habits:
“The biggest thing is to get them off those phones,” Sharon said. “Don’t allow them to spend time alone in their rooms alone on social media, have a common computer that everyone can see. Twelve year-olds don’t need smartphones. We need to get back to roots, go outdoors, spend time as a family.”
Time running out
For Sharon, the clock is ticking. In a few months, Melody will turn 16. Under the law, she will be considered a mature minor and might no longer need her mother’s permission for gender-related care.
Melody’s case ticks many of the boxes when it comes to risk factors among at least a portion of young people presenting with gender dysphoria: the sudden change in gender identity during adolescence, a significant mental health condition in the form of ADHD, self-harm in the form of cutting, and the presence of a cluster in a small peer group identifying as trans or non-binary.
Sharon is convinced her daughter’s change in identity, first to non-binary and then to trans, is connected to her ADHD and to a desire to belong. Before declaring, Melody had trouble keeping friends. Now, she has found her in-group.
While the concept of gender can be abstract and subjective, the potential side effects of gender-related care are concrete and objective. Cross-sex hormones, for example, bring with them risks lower bone density, infertility, higher cholesterol levels and higher blood pressure.
Whether Melody’s path will include surgeries is uncertain, but such a path could lead to infections, additional surgeries to correct problems encountered in initial operations, urinary tract infections, urinary incontinence, sexual dysfunction, chronic pain, constipation and irritable bowel syndrome.
Additionally comes the risk of deep remorse if, as an adult, the person feels they’ve made a tragic mistake and realizes the damage cannot be undone. Once the ovaries and breasts are gone, they’re gone for good.
Sharon sees a counsellor to try to keep such thoughts from overwhelming her.
Once much more liberal in her views about gender transition, Sharon now sees it as more than just a matter of personal choice. She lives in fear of a host of bad outcomes that could harm her daughter.
“I didn’t see it until my child was affected,” she said.
In part 2, Sharon struggles to cope with her daughter’s ADHD and to convince her ex-husband and doctors that puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones are not the best path forward. But she finds hope as a doctor slows down the transition process.
The term ‘social contagion’ applied to transgenderism can be offensive to some, as they feel it equates the condition to an infectious disease and therefore stigmatizes people who identify as transgender. However, as used here it applies to those who transition because of social influence, not for innate biological reasons. I would, for example, apply the same term to the recent rash of girls convincing themselves they have Tourette’s syndrome when in fact they do not. To deny that at least a portion of the new larger and mostly female cohort of trans-identifying youth were motivated by peer and social media influence ignores the experiences of scores of young people who have desisted from gender-affirming care or detransitioned.
Yep. We experienced the same thing. The trick is to keep talking and keep them from medicalization. Don't affirm their new avatar. Let them grow out of it, but keep them close.